It is my honor to introduce to you a new weekly column…a column where your every Google search is analyzed, poked fun of, and eventually answered…in a bitchy kind of way. Welcome to the first post of the new regular series, ”Ask The Google Bitch”.
So what exactly is a Google Bitch? you may ask. Well, I’ve deemed her a lady of snark, wit, and yes, a little bit of bitchiness. She’s the lady that web searchers may eventually come to count on as she responds to those who type actual questions into their search engines as if it’s a Magic 8 ball, and hope to find the answers they’re seeking.
And somehow those searchers have landed here.
Now in case you’re wondering if the term “Google Bitch” is a product of my own mind, it is. However, I also find that it’s in Urban Dictionary, because, well, apparently great minds tend to think alike and I do get an urban streak every once in a while. While I regret not having patented my new buzzword, I’m relieved to find out that it’s pretty much what I intended it to be, so I’ll let the propriety thing go. Per Urban Dictionary, a Google Bitch is:
1) A researcher of the lowest order. A person who uses google to accomplish most of their daily work, often a task performed for someone too busy, important, or ignorant to run a google search themselves.
2) A person who is dependent on Google’s ever-growing brand and popularity. “You’re a Google Bitch when Google straight up owns you, man.”
3) What you become when a friend/family member/co-worker calls you from the road and they don’t have internet access, and they want you to look something up for them. Example: “What do I look like…your Google Bitch?”
How can I send my problems to her? you may also ask. Well, you can’t. She only responds indirectly to those inquisitive souls who took the time to Google their problem and somehow landed here.
But enough of the intro. Without further adieu, please extend a warm welcome to my alter-ego, Google Bitch, as she taps into unanswered questions, meant to serve those lost souls who arrive here by accident, thus exaggerating this blogger’s title of expertise in said subject, and conquering the universe that is the world-wide web that we know and love, all the while increasing my blog stats.
Warning: Google Bitch talks in 3rd person. She also curses like a sailor at times. You’ll have to get used to that, but I’ll talk to her about it.