How to Make a Mother Cry

This is supposed to be a humor blog.  And it still is.  But right now, I feel like poor Nick Lachey when he wrote all those sappy heartbreak songs after his break-up with Jessica Simpson.  (I would have avoided that era altogether, but my girls loved those songs at the time.)

I’ve been a crazy, sentimental, downright emotional basket of tears for at least a month, and I feel the need to write about it.  And to find some humor in it.

I guess the humor is that I have no real reason to cry, yet the slightest thing seems to set me off lately. And no, I’m not going through the sordid “change”.  I guess I’m just a sentimental lady (pause for some flashback humor).

Aside from Bob Welch, let me preface this by saying why I find myself in such a ridiculous state.  My oldest girl is graduating from high school this Saturday.  I had no idea what a roller coaster ride senior year would be.  Everything is about “the last this” or “the last that”.  We had several year-end soccer parties, a state play-off that ended way earlier than it should have (and I’m still ticked off at those ref’s), prom, senior pictures, the trying on of the gown, graduation parties, church parties for the senior…the list goes on and on.  Way too many sentimental events for a sentimental lady to handle.

And today, my younger daughter had her middle school graduation.  Another milestone, because in a couple of months she enters the world of high school.  That’s a big difference.  A monumental event for a mother.  She went through confirmation this year at the church–yet another big occasion. And she turned 14 recently.  For some reason, that seems so much more mature than 13 to me.  She’s now talking about driving…when she can get her permit, her restricted license, her permanent license.  She will hate me for writing this, but my mind (and now my blog) says “not my baby, not yet!”

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Eighteen Candles

My oldest “baby” turned 18 today.  Yikes!

I’m happy for her, because I know this day comes with much anticipation. After all, she’s now old enough to move out, go to a club, vote, buy a lottery ticket, buy tobacco, order porn, buy a handgun, get a tattoo, and get pierced without my permission.

Forgive me if I’m not quite so excited. After all, she’s now old enough to move out, go to a club, vote, buy a lottery ticket, buy tobacco, order porn, buy a handgun, get a tattoo, and get pierced without my permission. On top of all that, she can now be sued, tried as an adult, and can go on the Jerry Springer show to tell the world how her childhood sucked.

All kidding aside, I’m really not that worried.  After all, she still needs me for college and preparing for dorm life that will take her about 45 minutes from home. She may be able to go clubbing, but drinking is still illegal. I’m pretty sure she has no desire for tobacco OR porn.  I don’t THINK she has a tattoo on her mind, but I’ll bet that belly button piercing I’ve been avoiding will finally get checked off the to-do list soon.  She does have plans to buy a lottery ticket though. And I hope she hits it big, remembering good ol’ sacrificing Mom and Dad when she does. I also feel sure she’ll exercise her right to vote. I know of nothing, however, that signals a potential lawsuit, and no crimes that cause me to worry about her being tried as an adult. So…

That just leaves the Jerry Springer thing.

To avoid being Springer-ized, and to get in my last hurrah in as a helicopter mother, I offer the following wisdom to my beautiful daughter as she enters adulthood:

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