If you’re not familiar with how this column works, here’s a quick introduction:
The Google Bitch is a lady of snark, wit, and yes, a little bit of bitchiness. She’s the lady that web searchers may eventually come to count on as she responds to those who type actual questions into their search engines as if it’s a Magic 8 ball, hoping to find the answers they’re seeking.
And somehow those searchers have landed here.
Not one to miss an opportunity, this bitch responds to such questions, thus increasing her Google-perceived level of expertise in said subject and hopefully moving this site up the Google page rankings. Brilliant, huh? This bitch thinks so.
Now on to the question du jour…
My boss found out I’ve been job hunting.
An interesting dilemma.
Venturing a guess, Google Bitch assumes that 1) either a prospective employer has called your current employer for a job reference, 2) you’ve been spotted arriving at or exiting an actual job interview, 3) you were overheard in the hallway on a phone interview 4) you printed your resume copies on the public printer and the rumors are buzzing, or 5) you asked someone to be a job reference for you only to find out that they start their new position next week…as your new boss.
Regardless of how you’ve been discovered, there’s not much you can do about that now. The word is out, and your boss now knows you are unhappy with your current employment. And in spite of all the salary increases, incentive bonuses, 401K matches, pension plans, vacation time, group lunches, happy hours, free doughnuts, promotional pens, letter openers and stress balls (or lack thereof) you’ve received to date, you have decided you’d prefer to work elsewhere.
You ungrateful schmuck.
Ok, so it happens. So now what do you do? The bigger question that begs an answer is Do you have a job offer on the table? For it is the answer to this question that will lead you to your own solution.
So what if I’ve already been offered a job?
If you have secured a good job offer, you have no problems. You are in a perfect negotiating position. And if your boss can’t get past the fact that you played the corporate field, and is pretty peeved about it, then perhaps that new job may be just what the disgruntled employee ordered.
So I’m stuck here forever.
But if you’re finding that the only place for you on that playing field is in the stands as a spectator, things could get sticky. And I’m not talking about the boiled peanut juice that’s all over your hands. [Sorry, Google Bitch is from the South, and boiled peanuts are our "thing", bless this digressing bitch's little heart.]
Now at this point, you can simply cease and desist on the job search, work like a happy cube farm worker, and wait for the pissed-offedness to wear off. No action required here other than the occasional whistle while you work.