As news has spread that Steven Tyler is exiting American Idol, rumor has it that Charlie Sheen is in the running for a job as his replacement. Where did this crazy rumor originate?
From the mouth of executive producer Nigel Lythgoe, himself.
Yes, Lythgoe told TMZ that he’d like to see Sheen and comedian Jerry Lewis on the panel next season. I think we can all safely presume that Mr. Lythgoe is joking. All of us, with the exception of Charlie Sheen himself, who seems to be taking it quite seriously. Charlie has told TMZ the conditions of him accepting the “judicial” position. Per Charlie, he just needs sign-off from the producers of his new FX serious “Anger Management” and a lot of dough. Per Charlie:
If the numbers move the needle and ‘Idol’ matches 20% of my weekly salary for Autism Speaks, JDRF, and the Boys and Girls Club…then the hell with it. As we say, pour the smoke.
Charlie Sheen remains as eloquent as always. And this gets me to thinking…joke or no joke, what the hell could Charlie Sheen bring to the table as a judge for American Idol? Let’s do some analysis.
Not being aware of any musical knowledge, experience, or any ability to pick out musical talent, I can only assume that the producers might want Crazy Charlie as a judge just to shake things up a bit. To boost ratings. To pique interest. To talk wide-ass-open crazy talk. Crazy talk that can only come from the mouth of Charlie Sheen.
I’ve had some of Charlie’s Tiger Juice and have come up with some common American Idol scenario’s, along with the type of comments that our beloved Charlie may spew out at the judge’s table. All would-be quotes below are the figment of my own Charlie’s-in-my-head imagination, yet they’re all based off of quotes from the past. To be clear, they are not real (in case you missed my “subtle” disclaimer). Here goes nothing:
1. On a media interview on why he’s on the judge’s panel at all - “This show needs to be renamed the Charlie Idol show. ‘Cause that’s what I am and I am the star. The other judges are trolls. They’re not on the drug I call the Charlie Sheen drug. If they had tried it, they would be dead now. Their faces would have melted off and the wannabe idols would then weep over their exploded bodies. Just remember, I’m the only winner here. Just me. I win here…I win there…I win everywhere. I’ve brought this show a tsunami of media and I will ride it on my mercury surfboard all the way to its death and cancellation. And I will deploy my ordinance to the ground and will then pour Tiger Juice on its tombstone. “
2. His first words on the premiere after being introduced by Ryan Seacrest - “There’s a new sheriff in town. He has an army of assassins. He also has a 10,000 year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year old.”