I Want To Be A Real Housewife

Yes, you read that correctly.  I want to be a housewife…a ”Real” housewife.  I’ve been watching the Real Housewives of New York, Orange County, New Jersey, DC, and Beverly Hills for some time now.  I’ve loved the glamour, the cattiness and the all-out brawls of these women from all regions of our country.  And while Jersey may give us a run for our money, South Carolina represents a slice of life that has yet to be portrayed.  I can fix that.

I know what you’re thinking.  What could possibly be entertaining about watching some Carolinian Housewives who aren’t rich, glamorous, or scandalous?  Well, I haven’t gotten this far in my seasons of faithful Bravo-viewing to not know that there are certain unwritten Bravo rules that I and my castmates would have to abide by. 

First and foremost, we have to fit the stereotype that people would be expecting from a South Carolina native.  I’m quite aware that the rest of the country may look at my beloved home state and expect to see a cast of uneducated, toothless, Walmart-shopping, redneck caricatures.  And maybe there are a few fitting that description in these here parts.  But seeing that reality television isn’t always so “real” and everybody needs their 15 minutes of fame, I’m willing to cast my dignity aside to play along with that caricature…to a point.  In short, it’s time to bring a little “redneck” to the Housewives franchise.

I present my case.  Bravo Andy, are you hearing me?

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…But What I’m Really Worried About is Will and Jada

What a day. 

From my East Coast location here, some of us felt a few tremors today as a 5.9 magnitude earthquake rocked Virginia, D.C. and New York.  In fact, tremors were reportedly felt from Montreal to Atlanta.  As a result, a nuclear plant in Virginia has shut down. Stones fell off the National Cathedral.  Even the White House was shaken up. 

On top of all that, there’s a so-far Category 3 hurricane heading for my side of the country that could very well blow our socks off this weekend.   On a personal note, I’ve got a friend who’s hoping their wedding this Saturday doesn’t get blown away.  On the flip side, I’ve got another friend facing the finality of divorce.

I won’t even go into the economic state of our union, the stock market roller coaster ride, or the debt ceiling.  That’s old news…and ongoing.

But the fact is that none of this, I repeat, none of this pales to what I’m really concerned about. 

Yes, I’m talking about Will and Jada and the “alleged” break-up.  Will?  Jada?  Are you listening?  What are you guys doing?  You are the glue, apparently, that was holding our nation together.  Just as Brad and Jen before you, the rumors alone have wreaked havoc across our nation.   Our nation…the world cannot be at peace until we know you remain as one.  Otherwise, we would all have to ponder the question…

If you two can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Enquiring minds wanna know.