How I Was Found: My Top 75 Search Engine Phrases of 2011

Yes, I’m still clinging to 2011 like the stubborn mule that I am.  After all the Top Whatever lists I’ve had to endure in the past few weeks, I’m proud to finally present my own 2011 recap (though my blogging history only spans a few months at this point, but that’s a technicality).

To me, one of the fringe benefits of blogging is being able to analyze how people, if anyone, find your little domain that is but a mere speck in this vast internet universe.  While I readily admit to being one of those inquisitive folk  who type in ridiculously inane search queries, I must admit to a few tee-hees, some slight confusion, and the random “Crap, how did this land them on my page” reactions.

2011 was the year when writing about boots brought me instant glory, and I’ve already made the mental note to ponder if I can start writing about wearing flip-flops before Easter in an effort to recapture that again.  We’ll see.  Cell phone companies, banks, and fast food restaurants drove me mad.  I longed to be a “Housewife”, turned 1/3 of my hair orange, and ranted about weight gain, aging, and generation gaps.  I further tested the waters by presenting my own rules for soccer parents, more rules for what not to say at the office, and I rolled the dice literally at Bunco.  At one point, I put a disclaimer on it all, when I realized there were people actually reading my random thoughts.

So it doesn’t surprise me that my stats show some rather random search phrases.

Stat-watching is fun.  Knowing what people were searching for when they found you can provide insight to what you’re doing right or wrong on your blog, whether you’re reaching your intended audience, and whether the end result was that the person that landed there found what they were looking for…or at least decided to hang around a while.  It can also provide some great material for future posts.  In other words, being the capitalist that I am, I have to look for a way to cash in on this information.   (I’m still working on that.)

But on top of all of that, this data can be quite entertaining.  That’s why I’m sharing my list of my favorite/funniest/weirdest web searches that resulted in someone landing on this little website.

Maybe this will seem a little gratuitous, but that has never stopped me before, right?  I present this list of  my Top 75 Search Engine Phrases, ranked solely at my discretion, (and in some cases, my indiscretion).  I swear these are presented verbatim, other than my usual side comments in italics.  Here goes nothing:

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I Will Never LOL Again

It is no longer cool to LOL (Laugh Out Loud).  It may have actually been uncool several months ago, but I tend to be the last to know about this sort of thing.  In fact, I’m not even sure it’s cool to say “cool” any more, but let’s take one outdated phrase at a time.

Now I’m well aware that such phrases have a life cycle.  A cool phrase starts with the cool people, of course, usually the teenager or the college student.  Next, it’s adopted by the others, i.e. the wannabes, the nerds, and the younger kids.  The parents then catch on and what was once a cool phrase finds its way onto t-shirts, bumper stickers, advertisements and in cheesey novelty music.  Eventually, the cool kids retire the phrase, giving way to something fresh and new, and the rest of the world catches wind.

So why am I wasting a post on the loss of my favorite go-to response?  Because LOL is hard for me to give up completely.  First of all, it’s really easy to type.  No explanation required there.  Secondly, if a friend just said something funny (see below) which really does make me laugh out loud, I feel the responsibility to express that via text/chat/email/Facebook comment.

Person 1:  I just farted.

Person 2:  LOL

Thirdly, even when I’m NOT laughing out loud and maybe just chuckling, smiling to myself or even sneering, the use of LOL  at least gives the friend the illusion that I find their statement comical and that I’m engaged somewhat in the conversation.  Next example:

Person 1:  I just spilled hot coffee on my pants and am a hot mess.

Person 2:  LOL

Finally, and this is the one I’ll miss the most, there is the statement to which I really don’t know how to reply at all, such as the one below.  Perhaps I don’t even want to bother to finish reading it.  Perhaps I’m distracted, I’m multi-tasking…or maybe I just don’t give a rip.  But at first glance, I already know that the stock go-to response is in order.

Person 1: Great day today!  I wrecked my car and was late for work. Then I spilled hot coffee on my pants, which burned through the top layer of my skin, and I farted.  My co-workers complained, I was written up for being late, making a mess in the break room, and farting, and I told my boss where to go. That’s when I got fired.  I was mugged on the bus.  And to top it all off, when I finally got home, I learned my pet gerbil had died.

Person 2:  lol

Now you see my dilemma.  What do I say now?  If I’m really laughing out loud, do I revert to the tried-and-true “hahaha”, “heh hehe” or “tee hee”?  This could get tiresome after a while, and I feel some variety is in order.  There are the emoticons  :)  ;)  :P  :o but these require too much effort and a risk 0f being too cutesy.  I could add a (wink, wink) at the end, but that could be misconstrued if directed at the wrong person.  Or I could skip all of the above and just say what I need to say.  PERIOD.  The problem with THAT is that my sarcasm doesn’t always translate on the world wide web and I risk being defriended, blocked, or (gasp) shunned in the real world.  Assuming JK (just kidding) is also being retired, I’m not seeing any viable options here.

Until I sort this whole thing out, I think I’ll just play it safe and plead the 5th, LOL.

If you liked this post, you might like Guess What? I’m A Facebook Creeper.