Last week, I argued that Santa Claus is real. This week I can add that not only is he real, but he is now my new best friend…forever.
As I promised, I emailed him. And he emailed me right back.. .within minutes.
What have I learned from my new pen pal? That he still remembers me after all these years. That he has a great sense of humor. That I’m apparently not the only “grown-up” that still writes to Santa. And that he’s most definitely not hiring, which is a real bummer, because (not that I’m looking, mind you), working for Santa would be awesome. I was picturing a great cushy telecommuting job that would allow me to Skype into the North Pole as needed, keeping up with wish lists (demand) and possibly using my tired, unused Advertising diploma and my awesome blog network and social network skills (haha) to help steer the children of the world toward items for which there may be more production (supply).
I also decided the benefits would be great. Time off during the summer would be no problem. I’d get lots of freebies marked off as overstock. And the medical plan couldn’t be too bad, since, as a risk, I’d be lumped in with a bunch of elves which would offset Santa’s bad habits and then some. How often do elves get sick anyway?
So I got my wish list in to Canada (the closest North Pole branch) and I now I’m on Santa’s radar. AND I promised to share with you this 2-way correspondence to once again prove that Santa does indeed exist.
It was easy. I went here and filled in a form letter to Santa, which he received within minutes. I form-filled some stuff, like my age, how good I’ve been (or not), 3 items for Christmas, and some free-form comments. The result is below, with some personal data x’d out:
Dear Santa Claus,
My name is xxxxxxx. I am a girl and I am already xx years old!! I live in the great city of xxxxxxx. Of course, that’s in xxxxxxx, United States but I’ll bet you knew that! This year I’ve been so good that, well, ok, maybe my halo has been to the repair shop a few times this year.
Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are: – new Droid smartphone; – winning Powerball ticket; and, – black BMW convertible.
Santa Claus, I almost forgot to say… I think the North Pole is awesome. I think being one of Santa’s helpers would be an exciting job! In fact, I’m looking for a new job and think I could be a real asset to your workshop. Are you by chance hiring? How are the benefits? Anyway, I can’t wait for you to drop by on Christmas, and I’ll leave out the Snicker bar and Bud Light as usual. Hohohoho!
Ok, so it’s not my best literary work, but as I said earlier, it’s a form-fill thing with insufficient space to write my normal 1500 words or so. And perhaps I got greedy, since I started out only wanting a new phone. There were 3 blanks to fill, so I went for it…and threw in a hint for a job opportunity.
And here’s my response from the big guy:
Merrrryyyy Christmas xxxxxxxx!
Thank you for sending me your email all the way from xxxxxxx! HO!! Ho!! ho!! Did you know there are lots of elves in xxxxxxx? I hear they like visiting xxxxxxx because there’s a special girl by the name of xxxxxxx that lives there! (*wink*).
Well call me the King of Jing-a-Ling, xxxxxxx! Are you pulling my leg?!? You can’t possibly be xxxxxxx years old already! Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little girl and here you are now, practically one of Santa’s elves! (*grin*)
Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven’t been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little girl but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*). Anyway, Santa’s glad to see some of the ‘older kids’ (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write. (And hopefully still leave out milk and cookies Christmas Eve too! *wink*) I also hear you’ve been a sorta good girl. (Of course, you won’t mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!). I see from your email that you like saying “Ho! Ho! Ho!”. HO!! Ho!! ho!! I like saying “HO!! Ho!! ho!!” too!
Let’s see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. new droid smartphone; 2. winning powerball ticket and; 3. black bmw convertible. Did you know I had to get rid of my phone? Every time I phoned the elves they thought my name was ‘Santa Calls’! HO!! Ho!! ho!!
I am really excited about my new “Santa Webcam”. I hope you will come watch me live at the North Pole on it right away!
Oops! I guess I shouldn’t have had that last cookie because a button just popped right off my suit. I better go see if Mrs. Claus has any thread left! ho!! Ho!! HO!! Take care xxxxxxx and don’t forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember… only 14 more sleeps until Christmas!!
Forever and Always Your Friend,
Take from that what you will. But here’s what I walked away with:
- Santa is not hiring and apparently does not want to discuss it.
- Santa will eventually find out I wasn’t that good, as he so alludes.
- Santa likes to make little digs at middle-aged women about their age.
- Santa knows I leave him Bud Light, yet he refers to milk, with some *winks*.
- In fact, Santa *winks* a lot, which tells me either a) he has a lot of private jokes, b) he’s not taking anything I wrote him seriously, or c) he’s into the “milk” already a week before Christmas.
- I only said “Ho, Ho, Ho” once. Santa added in a couple of “Ho, Ho, Ho’s” too many, which helps my argument above about the “milk” (*wink*).
- Santa has a webcam to plug.
- I probably got greedy, and I’m not getting a darned thing I asked for and I really, really, am in need of a new cell phone, so it would be really easy for me right now to be disheartened.
But my hopes are still high. My cell phone loses a little bit of functionality every day. I wasn’t too specific about the winning lottery ticket, so $5 could grant that wish. And just disregard that BMW convertible as a grand illusion, King of Jing-a-Ling, and forget I ever mentioned it.
Instead, please re-think that job opening, Santa (*wink*). And even if that’s not possible, I’ll still look forward to you stopping by again this year, Santa (*grin*). And even if you ignore all my wishes, I’ll still have your “milk” waiting for you on the kitchen counter.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”. HO!! Ho!! ho!!