Did you go on an exotic trip this summer? If so, did you post on your vacation shots on Facebook for all your friends to see? Did you then imagine your co-workers checking their wall during a boring meeting and having to see a shot of you laying out on the beach with a fruity drink in your hand? Were you sure to get a shot of your tanned feet with the emerald seas behind them and the sun setting on the horizon? Did you really capture the essence of that Bahama Mama you were drinking, umbrella and all?
And did you check in at every cool place you visited so that your green-with-envy friends could track your every move?
Well, if you didn’t, then know that I didn’t get to do any of that this summer either. In fact, it was me on the other side of that Facebook wall forced to live vicariously through my friends’ travels as they roamed around the world without a care. Do I begrudge them their exotic travels? Of course not. Am I jealous? Just a little bit.
But not next summer, folks. I have a plan. For even if my lofty goals of having a massive vacation to end all vacations doesn’t pan out, I have a Plan B. And this means my Facebook friends can expect to see this kind of stuff from me next summer.
Status: Bon Voyage, suckers! We’re outta here!
Hi, my name is Oliver and I’m grateful for this opportunity to set things straight as a guest blogger. While I cannot take the credit for typing here (I tried, but it was not pretty), these are my thoughts.
Apparently, my roomies, you are not aware of these laws of the land.
- You may notice that I refer to you as roomies rather than cat owners. Truth be told, you do not own me. I own you and as soon as you accept that fact, the better we’ll all get along.
- The house…you may think you own it. But the truth is, it’s mine. All mine. The fact that you pay the mortgage has no bearing on that fact.
- As the owner of the home, I have the run of the house. Period. Do not close doors. Do not attempt to set boundaries on me. I can sleep where I want, when I want. This is non-negotiable.
- You will feed me whenever I walk within a 3-foot radius of my bowl or the pantry. If I take two bites and then walk away, then return an hour later, you will have more fresh food waiting for me. I nibble and that’s the way it is. Get over it.
- If I puke, it will most likely be on the nicest rug you have in my house. Sorry, but that’s where I like to be when I get a furball.
- I hate the vacuum cleaner and would request it not be run while I am in the house. Is my fur that offensive to you?
- I will climb up onto the countertops or kitchen table whenever I like. If you decide to have company in my house, do not scold me like this is the first time I’ve done it. Everyone knows better.
- If you are on the computer, or are reading, or anything else for that matter, and I approach you, you will put down what you are doing and rub my ears. Until I’m ready for you stop. You should automatically know when to stop. If you don’t, I will make sure you know it.
- And finally, what is with the screaming when I bring you a present from outside? I worked hard for that. Please appreciate my efforts and accept my gift.
Follow the above guidelines and everything will be fine. And if I come up with more ”tidbits” you need to know, I will be back to visit your blog.
Thanks for listening.