It happened last night. I just happened to be reading the Wall Street Journal (OK, it was really a Star magazine) while seated, positioned toward a full-length mirror. At some point I looked up, caught a glimpse of the reflection in the mirror, and had what I call my Uh-Oh moment. Oprah has her Aha’s; I have my Uh-Oh’s. This was the moment that I saw an image looking straight at me and thought “Who the Hell IS that?”. This was then followed by “Crap, that’s ME!”
I did not recognize this person in the mirror. There was no way this person could be me. Maybe I’ve been bathing in a huge tub of denial, but this person was too…how can I put this delicately?…ROUND!
Now it may seem strange. After all, I see myself in the mirror everyday, in photographs, during swimsuit season, as I shopped for new jeans just last week, and all those other image-conscious events. But why did my Oh-No moment happen at this particular moment?
Vertical = OK
The answer? I had never seen myself seated before, at least not since the last 20 pounds came to visit and squatted right smack in my mid-section. I spent the next several minutes playing this silly game where I’d take turns standing, then sitting, then standing again in an effort to figure out how/why body parts seem to spread out, then shift and smash together into this one more compact space. Vertically, I didn’t feel so bad about myself. Not ideal, but not disgusting.
Sitting = Not OK
Sitting, however, I resembled a slumped over Buddha. Now I knew I had increased a little in size. The mandatory weigh-in at the doctor’s office makes that perfectly clear. I knew my clothing size had gone up, but I had just convinced myself that I preferred a little roominess. Besides, denim has gotten quite stretchy, and I’ve been apparently using the stretch feature to its full potential. Yes, what started as a mere muffin top has now grown into a full-blown bacon/egg/cheese biscuit.
But how did I let it get this far? After all, I know how to lose weight…I’ve done it plenty of times before. I’ve known deep inside that I need get pro-active and focus on my health for a while, but then I’d follow with either my “life is too short” or my “who am I trying to impress anyway” monologue.
Notice that I refuse to use the big F word here, because it’s all relative. Vainly speaking, I think most people have their own tolerance for how much weight they will allow themselves to gain. That size they refuse to wear. That line they refuse to cross. That image that repulses them so much that they realize it’s time to write a mental Dear John letter to bad carbs and start burning some serious butter. It could be 5, 20, 50 or maybe a couple of hundred pounds gained before you’re using the F word. For me, the magic number used to be 10 pounds, but somehow I gave myself a grace period of 10 more. Not a lot to some people, but hey, I’m short. It could take me all winter to lose my extra baggage.
[Insert Rocky Theme song here]
But it’s time! And I WILL lose it! In preparation, I’ll resolve to buy some new work-out gear, download some fist-pumping tunes so that I’m properly choreographed, and post some before/after pictures of Kirstie Alley on my fridge for extra motivation. Then, the calories in/out will be recorded daily. As my own personal trainer, I will push myself to the max. And there will be less of me as a result.
Has anyone else experienced an Uh-Oh moment? Was it a photo? A reunion? A swimsuit? What did it for you?
In the meantime, just to add a little humor here after that personal little self-help session, watch below for some “No Pain, No Gain” Jane Fonda-style from the 80′s. Can I get a Woo-hoo? Now I’m not really seeing anything that would cause pain here other than watching Laurel on the left, bop around in this Flashdance get-up, head-banded perm and all. I think she may have eaten too many carrots, as she’s a little orange. She scares me.
Pingback: I am not the Lizard Queen | She Can't Be Serious
Pingback: Is That For Here Or To Go? | She Can't Be Serious
I love your blog, really entertaining. keep it up!
Thanks!
Oh my gosh…I totes grew up to this exact video when I would be home with mom and she worked out with fonda everyday!
Brings back memories, doesn’t it? Funny how workouts have changed so much.
Too funny! Brings back memories….I used to teach Jane Fonda workouts when I was in college. I was one of them! Ugh…
I have a Jane Fonda DVD somewhere around here. It’s hilarious to go back and look at all those lame workouts. I never did lose weight doing them. Hop, skip, jump (clap), grapevine! Haha!
Thanks for sharing, It is nice to know that others have that “who’s that looking back at me!?
” moment. These days It’s my mother in the reflection and thats a little um, weird. I won’t say scary because ahh Hello thats me there (and I love my mum) but it is a little weird. FYI about a year ago I got serious about working out and found what is called “BootCamp” look that up in your area and see if that works for ya. I love it and I burned some serious butter….Sa
I know what you mean. It didn’t help that I had on ol’ Granny-ish reading glasses either. That’s another story…
My Uh-Oh moment came when I went to lunch at an Italian Restaurant and had to both unbutton AND unzip my skinny jeans when I got back to my desk! Moving to an office job with little excercise and a “candy drawer” made me put on a few lbs!
But the good thing about skinny jeans is that at least they don’t fall off, right? I’m right there with you at the office job and restaurants all within a short walking distance.
I think I might understand how you feel. You’ll probably be able to laugh it off if you just read your own blog.
I wish I really could see the humor in it. Maybe when I’m thin, I’ll revisit this post and we’ll see. But don’t ya love the illustrations from my 13-year old? She was kind to me in the standing picture. I told her to make the sitting picture fatter. I’m sure I’ve confused the crap out of her, because on any other day, I would have been insulted to see her draw a picture of me with my pants coming undone.
Hello
Yeah – I’ve been there too – where did the gut come from? is it here for a short holiday or just passing through? Sadly it seems to have taken up permanent residence, despite “doing more and eating less”. It has become a good friend now – I even celebrate its birthday with a cake (small one naturally and sadly 4 candles).
Love the site!
Best wishes
I think mine’s here to stay. And I’m really ashamed to say I haven’t done a thing about it yet! Decided on Monday…that’s the D-day for me! If not, I’ll be writing a blog about procrasination come Monday! Thanks!
…love your writing style! GREAT blog!
Cheers!
Thanks for the great compliment!
I can seriously relate to everything you mentioned above. My uh-oh moment happens everytime I eat something that requires me to immediately unbutton my jeans
Sadly, I’ve been there too.
I know that moment, … those moments, all too well – one week without the gym is enough – I’ll be back there tomorrow!!!
I wish I could say my hiatus was only a week. Glad I could provide some motivation!
All I need to do is watch that video once a day and it’ll scare the pounds off right? Sometimes I’m happy I wasn’t around for the 80′s (Only sometimes though)
80′s were fun, but cheesy, but I’m so glad workout fashions changed. But I did own a few pair of these leotards.
OMG…I was wrong- you aren’t my BFF…you’re my TWIN!
I laughed hysterically through your post, and uh, because it was all too familiar! I guess it’s time to stop using my treadmill for holding the laundry and get these legs in gear. I’m with you girl…thanks for the push! 
Love it! I was hoping I wasn’t alone. Thanks for the great compliments…good to know I have a twin somewhere out here!
I have an Uh-Oh moment whenever I do Face-Time or Skype. Those video cameras are not designed to enhance your looks. I’m sure it’s faulty equipment – not my actual unattractiveness.
I hear ya!
AFAIC that\’s the best asnwer so far!
if you can handle it, the Insanity workout really does work. Its hard but you don’t have to do the program as written, just doing one every other day works too.
Insanity sounds like my kind of work out, but “if you can handle it” is a little intimidating. I’ve really gotten out of shape. I might be sweating with the oldies at this point, haha.
you will never go back to another video again after Sean T! They are very physical but not over the top. I do not recommended Turbo Fire… it is more ‘women’ centered but it is too fast and not as balanced.
I’ll definitely check into Sean T. I’ll let you know how it goes.